Its been FOREVER since I wrote anything but nothing to crazy has changed.
Life. Its been pretty chill really.
Emily moved to Arkansas to be with her guy, Nic. Who I love. Hes amazing, Im glad she found him!! They are perfect together!! I miss her like crazy tho, she has seriously been my rock through all of this and I know she will always be!! I went and visited her for the week of April 2, It was a tough weekend. But we got through it together!! It honestly just felt like another day without him, ya the thought of it being a year was crazy but it didnt feel any different to me then the day before.
My best friend Leah and her husband Corey finallly had little Miss Salem and shes beautiful, I cant wait to meet her!! My best friend Kelsey and her husband Nathan came home for a few days in April so we could have the baby shower for Shawn. Me and Kelseys mom, Sheri, got it all decorated and everything turned out really well. I cant wait for July, I plan on spending the month with them in NC!! :)
Im trying to think what all has happened to me since I last wrote. Nothing to crazy! I finished school and passed everything so I was really happy about that!! Still dont know what Im going for or what I wanna do with my life. But Im soo ready for summer and to see what life has in store for me!!!
5.05.2011
2.21.2011
The Friend Part
This ones pretty intense! Ive been wanting to vent this for awhile now!!!
I have alot of friends and they each mean the world to me. I would do anything for almost all of them. Until April 2, 2010 happened. Slowly after that day I started to get to know the real side to people, including myself, but I still remained friendly but knew not to go out of my way anymore for alot of them. Well its almost 11 months later and it blows my mind how much things have changed with just my "friends". This time last year I had 4 best friends with me in Hawaii and 2 back home in Indiana. And on most days Im lucky if I feel like I have one.
I know my situations isnt easy and i only know it from the "widow" spot not the "friend of a widow". I know its hard to know what to say to me sometimes but when you feel like you dont have your best friends anymore, It makes it 100 times harder. Yes, I still talk to them from time to time, but I can tell its different & that sucks!!! I dont even get the same looks I used too. Its like Im a zombie and Im gonna eat them or something. (Yes I really feel that way, sometimes)
My friends all have their husbands, I know this, & Im fine with it. No one knows why God choose me and curtis but he did. Sometimes I wonder if they just feel bad because they still have their husbands, then sometimes i wonder if we were only friends because our husbands were. I thank god all the time that my friends still have their husbands, Im so glad for that!!! I miss Curtis and yeah Id love for him to be here. Honestly, thatll be like the best damn thing ever!!!! But instead I am alone and still 11 months later need my best friends more then they think I do!!! But like i said I dont know the "friend of a widow" spot so I try not let it get to me, but Im just tired of acting like everythings fine!!!
I have alot of friends and they each mean the world to me. I would do anything for almost all of them. Until April 2, 2010 happened. Slowly after that day I started to get to know the real side to people, including myself, but I still remained friendly but knew not to go out of my way anymore for alot of them. Well its almost 11 months later and it blows my mind how much things have changed with just my "friends". This time last year I had 4 best friends with me in Hawaii and 2 back home in Indiana. And on most days Im lucky if I feel like I have one.
I know my situations isnt easy and i only know it from the "widow" spot not the "friend of a widow". I know its hard to know what to say to me sometimes but when you feel like you dont have your best friends anymore, It makes it 100 times harder. Yes, I still talk to them from time to time, but I can tell its different & that sucks!!! I dont even get the same looks I used too. Its like Im a zombie and Im gonna eat them or something. (Yes I really feel that way, sometimes)
My friends all have their husbands, I know this, & Im fine with it. No one knows why God choose me and curtis but he did. Sometimes I wonder if they just feel bad because they still have their husbands, then sometimes i wonder if we were only friends because our husbands were. I thank god all the time that my friends still have their husbands, Im so glad for that!!! I miss Curtis and yeah Id love for him to be here. Honestly, thatll be like the best damn thing ever!!!! But instead I am alone and still 11 months later need my best friends more then they think I do!!! But like i said I dont know the "friend of a widow" spot so I try not let it get to me, but Im just tired of acting like everythings fine!!!
1.14.2011
Its 2011.....
I started school this week. Monday and Tuesdays. I seem to like most of my classes.
The next 9 months shoud be pretty busy, happy and god only knows what else.
Almost all my friends babies are gonna be due this year & Im very excited for this.
I have my bestie Alyses wedding this year. :)
I should decided if i want to talk to someone about my life. :S
All my friends(minus a couple) will be on the east coast, so thats better then nothing!!!
A realtionship, yes. Trying to decide if I can actually handle one and if im really ready for the full on commitment.
Spending a week in Flordia with RACHEL BLACK :) I cant wait.
My lifes changed. Everyone knows this. But Ive been getting comments about my attitude and how I have anger issues now. The funny thing is, I believe Ive always had anger issues, Im just more out spoken now then I used to be. I will agree I lose my cool alot easier then I used to, but I think its okay. I do try to watch who Im more angry towards, my husband died so I dont think anymore. I just go with whatever, and somehow it usually ends up in anger. I believe I need a new out look on life and thats what Im trying to find. It is gonna take me awhile, because even what most people think arent a big deal and the fact that "its been 9 months, she should be over it by now" (YES, i believe people think that.) Well I believe that 2 years from now I will still have my moments. I dont expect people to understand, its my life and he was the man i planned on spending forever with, so Ill take my time with whatever gets through my way.
I hadnt blogged in awhile and just kinda needed to vent alittle.
and yes this sounds angry but IM FINE!!!!
I started school this week. Monday and Tuesdays. I seem to like most of my classes.
The next 9 months shoud be pretty busy, happy and god only knows what else.
Almost all my friends babies are gonna be due this year & Im very excited for this.
I have my bestie Alyses wedding this year. :)
I should decided if i want to talk to someone about my life. :S
All my friends(minus a couple) will be on the east coast, so thats better then nothing!!!
A realtionship, yes. Trying to decide if I can actually handle one and if im really ready for the full on commitment.
Spending a week in Flordia with RACHEL BLACK :) I cant wait.
My lifes changed. Everyone knows this. But Ive been getting comments about my attitude and how I have anger issues now. The funny thing is, I believe Ive always had anger issues, Im just more out spoken now then I used to be. I will agree I lose my cool alot easier then I used to, but I think its okay. I do try to watch who Im more angry towards, my husband died so I dont think anymore. I just go with whatever, and somehow it usually ends up in anger. I believe I need a new out look on life and thats what Im trying to find. It is gonna take me awhile, because even what most people think arent a big deal and the fact that "its been 9 months, she should be over it by now" (YES, i believe people think that.) Well I believe that 2 years from now I will still have my moments. I dont expect people to understand, its my life and he was the man i planned on spending forever with, so Ill take my time with whatever gets through my way.
I hadnt blogged in awhile and just kinda needed to vent alittle.
and yes this sounds angry but IM FINE!!!!
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