Gettin used to it. or Not so much.

I miss cami's. I miss seeing them. I miss seeing him in them.

This time last year I was a new wife. We were spending the little time we had left together before he deployed. Living with Kelly and Tony (thank you guys for that, you will never know how much it meant to us) It was AMAZING being married to Curtis. He was amazing. I love everything we ever did together. 

But Anymore its pictures, after pictures, letters, after letters. MEMORIES. which i wouldnt trade for the world but him actually being here would be better. I know he's in a better place and what he did for his family and this country is a one of a kind thing. but I miss him and wish he was here!

Oh 7 months is approaching and everyday i hate it even more. Nothing gets better with time, I really dont understand that. To me, you just get used to him not being here. You never stop missing him or wanting him here. Just like everything else you just get used to it. or wait, Not so much.

Forever

Theres alot of songs I hear everyday that makes me think of him, of our relationship and our lives together. But this song by Rascal Flatts "Forever" is Exactly about us!!! I love you Curtis.

Oh 6 months ago

It was a Friday Night 6 long, but short months ago.
I dont even know where to begin and say how much my life has changed. Its been crazy. I still wake up and want it to be a dream. I miss him more now then ever. I love when random thoughts about me and him pop into my head. He will always be in my heart and the man who completed me. Those blue eyes and that big nose :) man how i miss that face!!! It still blows my mind that on deployment morning, He looked at me and said "Babe we got this, dont worry I'll see ya in 7 months." He really had no fear!! And I loved that about him. He knew what he had to and he was just being the brave, honest, amazing marine he was!

So being the widow at 6 months.
Everyday is different. Today sucked. The day before was great. You honestly just never know. The people you think can help and cheer you up, really cant! But i still LOVE all you guys!!!

I will give myself credit, Ive done alot more then I thought I would. I've kept my head up and I'll be honest I really think I'm doing alot better at six months of my husbands death, then alot of my friends do with their everyday relationship problems(and NO this isnt meant for anyone person, so dont think that, im just saying this is how I feel.). Weird, and sometimes i think something is wrong with me, but this next thing helps me know that I am normal and I loved my husband more then anything!!!!

Curtis & I didnt get alot of time together, but the time we did, I fell in love with a man that taught me so much. He was honestly one of the greatest people I knew. Besides from all the bad luck we both had, He always told me that no matter how bad it got, someone somewhere had it worse and to always no matter what keep my head up!! So the day I got the news, I remembered him saying that, so I havent let him down yet!!!

Even though these 6 months have passed I still remember him and will always. <3

Memorial Service in Hawaii

On June 18, Curtis's parents, sister, best friend and I, left Minnesota and flew to Hawaii. A week that would forever be remembered as, it all being through back in our faces and a week of wonderful memories with all Curtis's & My friends. His parents had alot of people to meet that Curtis had grew to love while he was in Hawaii. So many people to name, but they all deserve to know that they ALL impacted Curtis's life and our lives sooo much and we will NEVER forget them!!! We spent alot of the time just hanging out and hearing stories about Curtis, the deployment and life after the Marine Corps.

For me, Goin back to Hawaii was hard.
Everytime before when I landed in Hawaii, Curtis was either at the airport or would shortly greet me when he got off work. But as soon as those wheels hit that pavement, I knew this time he WASNT! I started to have a panic attack but decided breathing and staying calm for him was the best thing to do. We got off the plane and I knew my best friends would be there for me & they were. (Kelsey,Nathan,Kelly,Tony,Leah,Sabrina, & McKenna) It meant more to me then anything that they were there for me, for us!!!

The week had alot of laughter and again MEMORIES i will never forget. There was alot of drinking, tears and smiles. The actual service was almost like the funeral ALL over again. HARD isnt even a word to describe it!! When you see all his brothers standing formation and they do roll call and they say his name and he's not there and you know he never will be again, NOW thats a heartbreak all over again!!!! You could see the pain in everyones eyes that day! Curtis was an amazing person and I honestly thank god everyday that he gave me the short time he did with him!!! <3

In a weird way I loved being there, It made me feel closer to him, because HAWAII was our place. Kbay was our home. Thats where I met all my best friends, thats where I became his wife. Its the last place i saw him alive! Where we shared our lasted touch,hug,kiss. Hawaii will always be in my heart, but also a place i hope i never have to return too.

All the guys of 1\3 made that week the best they could for us and i will forever be thankful to them! I love that half of them still keep in touch with me, us!!! and I hope it always stays that way!!!