This ones pretty intense! Ive been wanting to vent this for awhile now!!!
I have alot of friends and they each mean the world to me. I would do anything for almost all of them. Until April 2, 2010 happened. Slowly after that day I started to get to know the real side to people, including myself, but I still remained friendly but knew not to go out of my way anymore for alot of them. Well its almost 11 months later and it blows my mind how much things have changed with just my "friends". This time last year I had 4 best friends with me in Hawaii and 2 back home in Indiana. And on most days Im lucky if I feel like I have one.
I know my situations isnt easy and i only know it from the "widow" spot not the "friend of a widow". I know its hard to know what to say to me sometimes but when you feel like you dont have your best friends anymore, It makes it 100 times harder. Yes, I still talk to them from time to time, but I can tell its different & that sucks!!! I dont even get the same looks I used too. Its like Im a zombie and Im gonna eat them or something. (Yes I really feel that way, sometimes)
My friends all have their husbands, I know this, & Im fine with it. No one knows why God choose me and curtis but he did. Sometimes I wonder if they just feel bad because they still have their husbands, then sometimes i wonder if we were only friends because our husbands were. I thank god all the time that my friends still have their husbands, Im so glad for that!!! I miss Curtis and yeah Id love for him to be here. Honestly, thatll be like the best damn thing ever!!!! But instead I am alone and still 11 months later need my best friends more then they think I do!!! But like i said I dont know the "friend of a widow" spot so I try not let it get to me, but Im just tired of acting like everythings fine!!!
